How My Thinking Has Changed Since the Beginning of High School
April 22, 2008 | by brett | Permalink
By Jessica Collay
When I started high school, I hoped I would get back on track to being normal again. Almost all of the odds were stacked against me - at least that was how I saw it. I was barely learning how to walk again, as far as I can remember, and I was struggling through the pain of waking up every day and getting out of bed. Those times were rough, but I just wanted to be normal. I wanted to follow the plans that I’d laid out for myself my entire life up until then – I had to graduate by 16 and at that rate it wasn’t going to happen.
Much of the time since I turned 13 was hazy. I remember waking up with this pain in my head, something unlike I’d never felt before, and I couldn’t move. I couldn’t touch anything, because that would hurt, and I couldn’t concentrate. That lasted for three months straight and I realized that my attendance at school that used to be stellar was beginning to suffer along with my formerly excellent grades. Next thing I knew I couldn’t walk. My world seemed to be crumbling around me.
I convinced myself that I would graduate from high school with the same amount of force I used to graduate the eighth grade. I was going to learn and work through the pain; I was going to push myself. The harder I pushed myself though, the more I suffered physically. I was stuck in bed for so many days, lonely and in pain, and on top of that with no diagnosis. I felt that the world was passing me by and my life was completely taken away from me. Trying to feed my mind on my own was useless; most days I was in too much pain to pick up a book. All I could do was think about where my life was going. I had to handle things the way they were, and not try to force myself into a life that wasn’t supposed to be mine.
All those days alone taught me a lot. I’d gained a patience I may have never known otherwise, and I enjoy things much more simply. I’ve gained a sense of self and a sense of destiny that I may not have had I gone down my planned path. My original plan was one that was too rushed and I feel like I forced too much out of myself. My goals back then were to please other people and to show off how smart I was, how much I could do with my abilities. Now, since I’ve been greatly humbled by my experiences to say the least, I’m someone who wants to use my talents to help others rather than to compete. It’s more important to me to move a lot more slowly and methodically, and I don’t want others to deter me from my goals, no matter how humble or grand they may be.
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THERE ARE 2 RESPONSES TO THIS INTERVIEW
brett Says:
April 22nd, 2008
This is a great post…thank you for sharing Jessica. I feel that we’ve both come to the same realization- that the original plan may not always be the best one out there for us.
Steve Says:
April 23rd, 2008
This is one of the most moving stories I have yet to read on the PTP post. Thank you for sharing. You have so much to teach so many of us. Adversity is a great teacher. While none of us chose it, it seems to chose the very special people for greatness. Jessica, I hope that you will continue to use your very genuine gift. Thank you for sharing.
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